Jakelvin's Album of Poems and Proses (comments allowed)

[Jakelvin]

I was aching for some creativity while not willing to overload the creativity board with proses and poems later on, so I made this thread to store my creation in.

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Album 1: Chaotic Endeavors

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The Deal

I take the contract from your hand and it is a shame as I have to leave.
It is a pleasure to work my way towards your vulnerabilities and getting away with it.

There is a surprise as you woke up to a beautiful day; not a hint of misery present.
Your life is in fact perfect, but where is the price tag for this canon?
All for free as they paid the tax for you and taken the trash out.
Yet you let yourself believed that there is a catch.

You're the epitome of the town as you enjoyed the natural spotlight only found in tomes.
Oh! What a calamity as they stared at you as you fallen over a chair by a feat of dexterity.
The concerns on their face stabbing into your ego; this calls for a recovery, so say you're alright.
Now in the safety of your abode, you are realizing the price tag was on you.

You sold yourself to the spotlight as the crowd would be outside the door by now.
Why do you feel the heat now? No, you're just unknowingly enjoying it.
It is time to escape, but there is no helicopter in sight to rescue you.
It is only moments away until they brought your perfect world into asunder.

Bring out the champagne, it is too late to break the deal now.

[Dellinger]

I feel that, while it's poetry and all should fit the author's style and purpose,
you seem to trip over your words a bit.
I also don't quite understand your poem,
so I'll explain my thought process as I read it,
and I'll wait for your overall idea and theme before advising how to go about editting this.
The theme, as I understand it (which may be wrong), is good.
You just need to neaten up the rough edges a bit.

Examples of what I mean:

"...and what a shame as I have to leave."

What exactly do you mean here? I feel like you're trying to say '... and it feels like such a shame to leave.' If you are leaving with a contract in hand, working towards one's vulnerabilities, how exactly is it a shame to leave if you know you will come back to destroy them. Normally a contract means to start something, and you're poem seems to be about ending it.

"...none of the misery encountered."

'...the misery' implies that there is a specific misery you are attempting to focus or hint at. You don't really say anything about a specific type of misery besides possibly taking advantages of one's vulnerabilities. I feel this would be a bit clearer either specifying 'the miseries of everyday life' or 'no mundane miseries in sight.'

"Your life is as perfect as diamonds, but where is the price tag?"

I see you were trying to throw out the overused phrase 'what is the cost?' but I feel that it would have fit a bit better. Either that or looking at it as if you were really looking at a diamond. Diamonds aren't always perfect; some are inherently flawed due to imperfections while forming. Perfect as diamonds implies that all diamonds are perfect, which isn't always the case. The singular would have made this a bit smoother.

-the next two lines in the poem could deal with some editing, but I understood them fine. then...-

I feel the beginning of the 3rd stanza could have been switched "Your the epitome of the town! Enjoy your bitter spotlight!" Again, however, that depends on if I'm interpreting your theme correctly. Could deal with a bit of editing.

"Oh! What a shame...as they shared at you as you fallen over a chair.
The concerns on their face stabbing into your ego; this calls for a recovery, so say you're alright.
In the safety of your abode, you are realizing the price tag was on you."

I feel this could be worded better. I get what you're trying to say, but as I said in the beginning it just seems like you're tripping over your word choice.

Your fourth stanza is clear in theme, but needs some minor editing to smooth it out and make it a bit easier to read and interpret.

However, I feel the last line is unclear. You don't really state or hint what this 'deal' is. I feel that's due to some of the tripping of words that has been throwing me while I was reading the poem.

I like the idea of your poem, as I said, but I feel some edits here and there could make it a lot better, possibly even amazing.

And you've inspired me. Time to post some of my poetry. XD

[Jakelvin]

((Sometimes every poets are a bit off when it comes to grammar and understanding. So I'll fix up the first one when I got the chance. Thanks for the heads-ups and the compliments, Dell.))

The Contractor

I can remember the people who I purchased with a parchment with their signature.
I provided their perfect world as the superheroes would never touch me before.
I bend elections and provided the electrified crowd at their feet.
They are my pets as I racketeer their fall.
I held no known crimes and regrets for I am their sins from hell.

Life under the contract is nothing but a dying series of staged tragedies.
Promised lovers are never the doves of haven.
Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to my version of hell; now be stuck in realization of the profits I made.
I feel our time was spent as I reviewed my golden days of calamities done upon lambs.
Now I left your sins to the goats, it is the right time for me to watch your gloats destroy you.

What timing, I stole another life again as a woman knifed herself.
The deal is for her to be in the riches of romance; the demand was simple.
True love will never find her as she lived in an accursed harem.
It hardly matters as she is the temptress of her prison house.
Her only escape was outside, but she is trapped in a game of bedtime with many.

The paper knife is gone as the warm blood of agony still flow.
I know I'll be the murderer to your eyes, but I'm only a figment of the sinful deal.
Stow the lecture of morality, I heed none as I stole another while business goes on.
Chase the shadow, accuse the wicked nothingness, your prosecutions will be in vain.
Until you made that one deal...

[Jeneena]

Cool... Very detailed in such. You gave me an idea... :/ But oh, You have wonderful poems. I admire how they are longer than most of mine... x3

[Jakelvin]

I Do Business, But I'm Still Human

We met in the dread of summer evening as the heat was frying my hide.
My desperation for shelter led me to you and you let me in.
Great thanks to you and you begrudgingly welcomed me.
I was unaware that I under your prosecution, but does that gave you the sanction?
How about a deal to amend for the deed?

The nightmare is beginning as I was the demon knight.

It is hard to accuse me for what I do; my excuse is I was doing my part of the bargains.
The victims made their choice as I slew with parchment and ink later on.

Once again you ran into the kitchen and trapped in a mind game against an incubus.
Why would you love a blood-covered dove when I shared none?
Slipped rat poison in my glass as I watch the Simpsons.

You advanced toward me again, but with assurance that I'll die for my crimes.
All these times I've been racketeering crimes, I'm right before you, unsuspecting.
Missed that opportunity as the poison was fed to the floor unwillingly.
The crash reunited our eyes as I searched for the reason in a static gaze.

As I was lying on your couch, you are paralyzed and I'm still alive.
Something was protecting me from your intents as I approached you.
You don't want me to murder anyone else, but you can't kill me still.
Your heart said that Earth would be better without ill-spilled blood.
Confirming the time for me to die and you signed the contract.

[Kenelm]

Interesting... They seem to be a set -- at least that's what I feel..

[Jakelvin]

Disclaimer: This is based on Mabinogi in a "What If" situation within the RP Society. Existing characters are bound to be mentioned in the prose. Despite the characters that the characters played, it may end up in parody (poorly imitated) due to lack of further examination (provided by time between the author and the members who play the characters along with the lack of corresponding instant messaging system like MSNM or YIM). The situations in the story does not actually happen in the actual RPs taken place in Mabinogi, nor it does not actually be a premonition of certain plots of certain RP. Most stunts done are all fictional and are never featured in the actual gameplay of Mabinogi, so ladies and gentlemen, do try these at home.

Preview Summary: The duke's ruling had ended with an assassination committed by Goren de Cor. Now the kingdom within Udahl were in a daze from the unjust notion of freedom. Many guilds stepped up to be the new candidates for the title of Duke of Emain Macha. With the Five Old Foes of Jinnhin Jalene disbanded by death and Kalinthire's incidents dropped, all is left was the minor chaos caused by the lack of leadership and enforcement. In a lawful or chaotic response to it, a team of secret enforcers was formed and was called, "ES7" or Emain Section 7. During the time in the leaderless continent, there are no laws enforced and bounties are run by merchants who wants to get rid of the competition and stop crimes from hindering their business. Where does the ES7 really stands for in these chaotic time?

Theme: Band of renegade peacekeepers who does work nearly lawfully by unethical or ethical ways. Technologically improved society while environments changed. Mainly Dark, Action, Mystery, little bit of Comedy, Satire and Tragedy.

Setting: The series takes place in Udahl, Erinn. The date is not specified but it is possibly in the future, due to the improvements in technology.

[Jakelvin]

Case Report 01: Agony

Reeling back the hammer of her sling-pipe, Jinnhin faced a Cyclops that occasionally wandered in and invaded her team’s base in the reconstructed Rundal Fort. Unfortunately, the hammer made an echoing clink and it attracted the Cyclops’s attention. Jinnhin aimed by the hip as she intended to take down the Cyclops. But the Cyclops was charge too quick for Jinnhin to get a good shot and Jinnhin fired her sling-pipe with a loud bang as a slim metal spike darted into the Cyclops’s gut. The spike penetrated, but hardly a lethal hit. Jinnhin turned her head over shoulder and shouted, “Anytime now!”

A loud boom raced through the air as an arrow struck hard against the Cyclops’s chest, sending it flying backward onto its back. Xeek bolted pass Jinnhin and delivered a coup de grace on the Cyclops’s eye, killing it nearly instantly as his spirit claymore, Kensai penetrated the eye and brain. Xeek walked along the Cyclops’s gut and hopped off before walking to Jinnhin.

“That was the second time that clanker failed to be efficient. Uknirvin should either adjust it more or you start using bows more often instead of that.” Caliandra scowled as she swung her bow into the back holster with a short, rapid clicking noise.

Jinnhin looked at her sling-pipe while trying to think of a response, “At least he got the launch velocity correct, mother and the sling-pipe does not send the enemy flying, it penetrates for full damage instead of it being reduced by the toughness. Xeek, can you look for the spike that got into its stomach?”
Xeek shook his head, “No. I’m messy as it is already from the wrestling with a bear.”

“Again I did nothing in this conflict. I’ll be working on my alchemy until something happened.” Thomas grumbled as he walked by Jinnhin and Caliandra onto the massive platform, “Reveal.”

The empty platform started to become populated with equipments. An alchemy table filled with odds-and-ends of herbs, potions, catalysts and materials, a small forge completed with posts for armors and racks for weapons, a crystal ball attached to a huge mirror of swirling mist, a luxurious lounge and a training ground in the middle.

Jinnhin walked to the forge to examine her sling-pipe further. The sling-pipe was only a narrow iron pipe with a wooden stock similar to the crossbow. The gap in the top of the shoulder-rest was for the launcher’s hammer to slide back and forth between launches. The hammer itself was a launching mechanism pulled by two narrow iron springs made custom by Edern. The shoulder-rest was somewhat hollow to outfit the triggering system between the hair trigger and the latch that held the hammer back. The least noticeable feature was the signature engraved on the back of the shoulder-rest, “UHJ.”

Caliandra took off the quiver that also held her long leather bow and gently tossed it aside as she collapsed down onto the comfortable leather couch. The chill from the surrounding water made it uncomfortable for Caliandra to relax after her skirmish in Physis with Hakishie. Caliandra summoned a tiny fire bolt from the heat of her own body as the marble of fire orbited around Caliandra’s hand. With a flick of Caliandra’s index finger, the fire bolt shot into the central fireplace and lit it without fail. The heat from the fireplace quickly warmed up the lounge as Harkins entered the platform.

“Hello, Harkins. How is the rebuilding of the Library?” Caliandra asked as she hung her head back to look at Harkins.

“T-the bookcases are f-finished, but the books are s-slow to be re-reorganized. It won’t be l-long until Ashley got her j-job back. It is tragic that J-Jakelvin was killed by K-Kalinthire; Jakelvin’s death still struck Uk-Uknir like a brick.” Harkins reported.

Jinnhin put her sling-pipe down and turned to Harkins, “And of Chaptin?”

“S-still missing, Jinnhin…R-Rouge is still tr-tracking him down, but she d-did shown some fr-frustration.” Harkins answered.

Jinnhin slowly turned on heel to re-attend to her sling-pipe’s maintenance. It was heart breaking to Jinnhin since Chaptin disappeared three days after the Five was no more than a dent in the history books. All she knows is Chaptin injuring Jakelvin during a training session at Sen Mag Plateau and Jakelvin telling her foster-father, J about it. It was now unfortunate that Jakelvin will not see the time he found Chaptin and brought him back. Jinnhin hardly shed a tear and did not even slam her fist onto the anvil in emotional agony. She knows that it was because of Chaptin that Jakelvin was killed and Chaptin was her own son.

“And the rest of the team, Harkins?” Thomas asked.

Harkins thought for the moment, “J is h-heading to Bangor to get his e-equipments fixed. C-Captin went to Iria to g-get some fishing d-done. Jakelvin is already g-gone so we may be in need of an e-eighth me-member.”

“Uknirvin is useless because he couldn’t move on from Jakelvin’s death, although his craftsmanship in exotic weaponry is decent. Dalvar is a good mage, but we already have four warriors, an archer and two mages. Kalysptra I don’t know where she is now. Reno is still in trouble with his wife. Jaeden is still hurt from Jakelvin’s death. Dellinger would be a reasonable choice, but we have not heard from him. Rouge is not cooperative if she is not paid and her prices are enough for a rose plate that Elen sells.” Caliandra said as she goes down the list of candidates.

“If there are no one willing to keep the peace by any means necessary, then let it just be seven of us against chaos. Besides, Jakelvin is foolish to go after my stubborn son instead of letting us come with him.” Jinnhin commented bluntly.

“That was harsh, Jinnhin, but it is also true. Still, that doesn’t mean you can criticize on something you don’t know what happened.” Thomas replied.

“And like I do give a damn about that! Is there any other threat going around?!” Jinnhin lashed.

“Watch it, Jinnhin. You’re letting your anger get the best of you.” Caliandra scowled.

It was common for Jinnhin to act like that sometimes at given trigger. She was bipolar between a nice, well-mannered woman to an angry hell with two legs. Caliandra have a hard time blaming her for the angry outbursts because of all the hardship she has to go through. Suddenly, Jinnhin starts coughing out thick red wine as she lowered herself slightly in some kind of ailment. Xeek ran over to Jinnhin to check on her. It is clear that the internal scars from Jinnhin’s failure has returned. Xeek puts his left hand on Jinnhin’s left shoulder while keeping her balanced with his other hand on Jinnhin right arm. Remembering what Manus taught him, Xeek closed his eyes and concentrated…then they both glowed in a healing aura. It was a moment before the warm aura faded. Jinnhin looked at Xeek and quietly thanked him. Xeek returned to punching the hanging meat bag. Caliandra calmly got up and walked over to Jinnhin to check on Jinnhin’s health. Meanwhile, Harkins went to check on the crystal ball for any threat. The canvas lit up with display of colors of imitated imagery of the Erinn outside.

[Jakelvin]

The Villain Within Me

I stood before a corpse as I see the rose collapsed behind me.
This insanity cares for no one as the tundra of my mind became my sanity.
Take my poisonous words like a friend to fiend trust.
I dare not betray you as the villain before you is what sustained my thirst as a traitor.

Don't try to take me back and never venture into a tragedy of our story.

The deal is completed as my agonizing torment is now gone from my heart.
A simple grin, an intricate mind, a traitorous ploy played before your eyes.
Sleep well, my dove...love is for the broken dreams read in fairy tales.
Nothing due now, only the blood residue of your father.
Best of my curses to you as you wield no lance of vengeance.

Don't cry for my return, it will only tune my fine ear by hearing you suffer.

Dare not to cry for my temptation, I know our love is only temporary.
You shall not venture with me to keep me in your deeming arms.
I shall not rejoin your hell as I walked the halls of your fathers.

Read the fine print, no dreams are meant to be true as you can try your best.
No tears shall hold me back as the broken dreams foretold...hold me once more.

[Jakelvin]

The title of AkiNisou is basically given from my impatience and viewing the title of InuYasha.

The language it used was Japanese Pronunciation.

The Japanese Calligraphy version of it is [ 秋の尼僧 ].

The translation of it is "AKI means Autumn" and "NISOU means Priestess." Together, grants the title, "Autumn Priestess"

This will be entirely based on the systems of Mabinogi: Fantasy Life (including the quirks we know and love).

That means that whatever happened in the story will go by the timing between real time and game time.

Despite the sounding of it, the timing is never in-synced with the timing given.

The mathematical explanation may help in simple ways between writers and readers by comparison of Story Time and Real Time (Movie Time and Show Time are extras in case there are movie-lovers).

There are also the formulas that are previously set up by me on how it was solved.

=================================================
15 Seconds = Quarter Page
V(15 * 2)
30 Seconds = Half Page
V(30 * 2) ^(30 / 2)
60 Seconds = 1 Minute = 1 Full Page
V(60 * 30) ^(60 / 2)
30 Minutes = 1 Full Show = 30 Full Pages
V(1,800 * 2) ^(1,800 / 30)
60 Minutes = 1 Hour = 2 Full Shows = 60 Full Pages
V(3,600 * 2) ^(3,600 / 2)
2 Hours = 1 Full Movie = 4 Full Shows = 120 Full Pages
V(7,200 * 12) ^(7,200 / 2)
24 Hours = 1 Day = 12 Full Movies = 48 Full Shows = 1440 Full Pages
^(86,400 / 12)
=================================================
1 Mabi Year = 1 Week = 10,080 Full Pages
V(10,080 / 40)
1 Mabi Week = 4 Hours 12 Minutes = 252 Full Pages
V(252 / 7) ^(252 * 40)
1 Mabi Day = 36 minutes = 36 Full Pages
V(36 / 24) ^(36 * 7)
1 Mabi Hour = 1 Minute 30 Seconds = 1 Full Page and 1 Half Page
V(1.5 / 6) ^(1.5 * 24)
10 Mabi Minutes = 15 Seconds = 1 Quarter Page
^(.25 * 6)
=================================================

Judging from the timing and the amount of pages I planned on making up, it would take me some time before I could release a full Mabi day of AkiNisou's adventures.

So to keep myself from going into a bad demoralizing mood of slaving myself to write it, I'll break it down between Mabi hours.

That means I'll be posting a page and a half of storytelling and considered 36 pages to be my max per episode.

7 Episodes in a Section.

7 Sections in a Season.

Lovely...

If you got questions regarding the story setup, I'll gladly answer them when at given chances.

[Jakelvin]

I've been looking around and noticed that a couple of cool skills, but I still feel that it is not as half-full as it should.

Skill: (Requirement(s)) Short Description

Banish: (Paladin Transformation) Damages undead and Fomor (those without a scroll to collect from) greatly, but does little to anything else, including those who are possessed by Fomor. It takes some time for the skill to charge up (similar to Ice Spear), but it can pack a wallop (in comparison to normal weapons) against the denizens of Peaca Dungeon.

Exorcise: (Paladin Transformation and 1 Piece of Paper per use) Like Dark Knights can possess the denizen of Erinn, the Paladin can dispel the control and have it become berserk (the moment that the denizen will attack anyone close to it, except for NPCs and those who are conversing with a NPC). If it was targeted to a Fomor-possessed denizen, this skill will heightened the chance of getting a Fomor Scroll by enchanting the possessed to be more willing to fight off the control.

Summon: (Dark Knight Transformation and a Fomor Scroll) Since Dark Knights are given power by the Fomor God, Chicol, the Dark Knights are granted with the ability to summon denizens who are previously slain. Despite the luxury of being able to summon a Spite or Flying Swords, the Dark Knight cannot control some monsters easily. Training is usually the best way to get more powerful denizens to obey.

Flight Attack: (Falcon Transformation Rank 1 and Iria-Only) Considering that Falcon Sages have wings, they should fly. After long time training, a Falcon Sage can naturally find a way to soar over Iria to attack the giants from out of reach. Temporarily, using the skill will allow the Falcon Sage to take flight at the expense of draining stamina. Even while in the air, the Falcon Sages can release barrages of arrows down to their targets. Although due to the instability of the flight, the Falcon Sages find drinking a stamina potion to be a chore between stabilizing the flight and avoid shaking the contents out of the bottle.

Roar: (Giant Transformation Rank 1 and Iria-Only) Once a giant became a Beast Lord, the giant would have become aware that he or she has an urge to force any creature to their knees. The Beast Lord tried to pummel a creature to get respect, but the creature is dead before giving respect. The Beast Lord tried to be more of a leader, but no creature would listen to its bellows. In frustration, the Beast Lord let out an enraged roar and was surprised to see no more than ten wandering foxes bowing before it. It was a coincidence that the foxes are stunned from the safer distance from the deafening roar.